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How to Discern the Truth

How to
Discern the Truth

When You're Dealing with a
Covert Narcissist

Learn to identify the victim, discern the truth, and end the abuse

  • Are you a narcissist victim, flabbergasted that others fail to see the truth?

  • Are you a professional who is tasked with seeing the truth, but it seems like an impossible task?

  • Do you want to know how to recognize the truth amid the chaos?

In Covert Narcissist or Covert Narcissist Victim – You Be the Judge, physician and trauma/narcissistic abuse expert, Dr Melissa Kalt, MD, shines a light on how to discern the truth, which allows victims and survivors to break free from continued trauma, and shift from surviving to thriving.

A physician on the Best Doctors® list 2009-2018, when she retired from medical practice, Dr Melissa shares her personal and professional experience of discerning the truth in these complicated and dysfunctional relationships.

Discerning the truth is KEY for any survivor holding onto their sanity and for any professional tasked with discovering the truth and ending the abuse.

Discerning the truth is KEY for any survivor holding onto their sanity and for any professional tasked with discovering the truth and ending the abuse.

In this book, you will discover:

  • 11 ways to discern the truth, eliminating the nebulous “he said, she said” approach that serves no one.

  • How to recognize the narcissist’s “tell” – a developmental skill that they do not have and cannot fake.

  • Clear insight into why it’s so easy to fall hook, line, and sinker for outright lies and how to be sure this doesn’t happen to you.

  • How looks can be deceiving, making it easy to get it wrong – and easy to get it right once you know what to look for.

  • The key characteristic you’ll find in EVERY covert narcissist story – once you know what to look for, you’ll identify it easily.

  • Why the typical victim will stay for decades without realizing they are being abused—which doesn’t make the abuse minor or insignificant.

  • An approach to immediately assess quality of evidence – accessing the truth while saving you time.

  • The HUGE RED FLAG you can’t afford to miss.

What Survivors Are Saying

*Due to the nature of narcissistic abuse, names have been altered to protect the privacy of the these survivors.

“As the victim of a covert narcissist I am deeply grateful you wrote this... One thing I have been blessed by in my recovery is reading..., where the authors with compassion and insight share their information for those of us who thought we must be crazy... EVERYTHING you discuss here is SO RIGHT ON!!! I am grateful for the pointers you give.” ~ Zina

One of the most traumatic things I've experienced is going to court against a narc.
It was trauma with a big T

Honestly, it's horrific. You have to sit there and listen to lie after lie after lie and you're unable to do anything about it because you didn't expect this lie so didn't produce evidence to prove it wrong.

It was never "he said, she said".

I only produced facts backed up with statements from professionals, official reports, etc. They presented lies, and nobody checked it.” ~ Trudy

“You give an insightful yet uncluttered understanding of covert narcissism…” ~ Toni

“This is so true. Family courts especially need to hear this and take it to heart.
I watched in utter disbelief during my divorce. I truly expected Rod Serling to walk around the corner to let me know I was in the twilight zone.
It didn't matter that I could prove she was committing perjury, they were all flying monkeys.
Even my attorney kept saying, ‘'ll be ok once she calms down. She's just upset’
I kept trying to tell him - you have no idea what we are up against.

I still just shake my head...” ~ Paul

“ ’Look for the patterns’ is exactly what I tell people when something doesn’t feel right. ~ Heather

“All so true. I've witnessed it first hand and speak with survivors regularly who all share similar stories. It does not take "two to tango" when one person is abusive and the other is trying to survive. Turning a blind eye, not getting involved, or worse, adding further layers of abuse by accepting the lies without proof and acting on them, does so much more damage to victims. Thank you for highlighting, Melissa” ~ Tawnya

Spot on. This is so different from all the other narcissist propaganda since it is a clinical perspective along with examples. Thank you.” ~ Amy

"In a world where narcissism is starting to come into the light, there are often more questions to be found than answers. This book seeks to eradicate the confusion and complexities by creating a simple and easy-to-understand guidebook that can be easily read, understood, and distributed. It delivers exactly that! Thank you Melissa for this gift of healing to us all." ~ Sam

What Professionals Are Saying

In my career as a therapist, I have always been interested in the complexities of interpersonal relationships. I have been seeing an increase in the number of clients presenting symptoms related to narcissistic abuse, prompting my intellectual curiosity into this topic.

What drew me in was the insidious nature and prevalence of covert manipulation tactics and the profound impact on victims' self-esteem. Through dedicated research, Dr. Melissa has synthesized the data to the major points, and has helped me gain insight that has challenged my pre-existing knowledge.

This journey has led me to reconsider and shift my approach. I now integrate trauma-informed techniques tailored to narcissistic abuse survivors, offering validation, targeted interventions, and psychoeducation.
Dr. Melissa’s book will help to create more effective support for clients on their journey to healing.

Dr. Melissa’s personal experience and research has brought an understanding to narcissistic abuse and shined a light on a topic that is far too ignored and normalized. This book is essential to any clinician’s bookshelf.

~ Annie Schmidt, LIMHP, Cardinal Point Counseling, Omaha, Nebraska

This practical, research-based book not only provides the reader with real life examples but also challenges the status quo. Are we passively accepting abuse or actively working to flip the script? Dr. Kalt sheds light on multiple layers of abuse -- from intimate partner abuse to systemic abuse. This book helps discover the truths of covert narcissistic abuse. These truths help me to confidently recognize abuse and further my commitment to provide trauma-informed care for my clients. 

~ Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, Founder & CEO, The Women's Financial Wellness Center

This book is a must read for anyone who personally or professionally interacts with people. Dr Melissa's description of emotional abuse was eye-opening -- I've seen it in school, in the workplace, and even amongst friends. 

For those in a relationship with a covert narcissist, the emotional abuse and trauma aren't only from their partner. Their friends, their family, and their community -- even to the professionals they go to for help -- unknowingly traumatize them when they take action without seeing the truth.

It's easy to see why so many good people give up on trying to make sense of dysfunctional relationship dynamics. Fortunately, these 11 specific ways to discern the truth make it straightforward.

As someone committed to helping others shift their relationship with alcohol, I see the need to end their ongoing trauma. It's hard to make positive changes in your life amidst mixed messages from those closest to you about what's real and true.

Covert narcissistic abuse is so prevalent. Chances are you or someone you know has experienced it. All will benefit when you learn to discern the truth in these complex relationship dynamics.

~ Annie Grace, Founder & CEO, This Naked Mind,

This book enlightens you into seeing and understanding what most people don’t see when suffering narcissistic abuse.

What is magical about this book, and why I think EVERYONE should read it, is what you will learn about identifying and dealing with narcissists. You will discover the tools you need to manage them or heal from them… everyone can benefit from Dr. Kalt’s insights around this topic…

If you think you may be suffering at the hands of a narcissist read this book now.

~ Vickie Helm, CEO of

"Dr. Melissa has a profound understanding of covert narcissism and its victims. As a seasoned professional, she has witnessed the devastating effects of covert narcissism, where victims are systematically gaslighted and manipulated into questioning their own reality. In a world where "he said, she said" is often the default response, victims of covert narcissism can find their journey to healing further burdened.

Dr. Melissa's book offers 11 simple yet actionable ways to identify covert narcissists and their victims.
This invaluable knowledge can be a lifeline for professionals who work with victims of covert narcissism.
The book serves as a guiding light for anyone who suspects that they or someone they know may be a victim.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about covert narcissism and how to help victims. It is a valuable resource that casts a profound light on the intricacies of covert narcissism and provides practical tools to aid victims in reclaiming their power.

As a beta reader, here are some specific examples of how Dr. Melissa's book has helped me:

  • I now have a better understanding of the different types of covert narcissism and how they manifest themselves.

  • I am better able to identify covert narcissists in my professional and personal life.

  • I have learned how to help victims of covert narcissism protect themselves and get the help they need.

I am grateful to Dr. Melissa for writing this important book. It is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to learn more about covert narcissism, how to help victims, and how to protect themselves."

~Dr Mehmet Yildiz, Executive IT Architect, Editor in Chief for Illuminated Integrated Publications

“This is a really helpful, practical, and well-structured. Thank you so much, Melissa! I’ve passed it on to some of my clients as I think it offers a really clear roadmap for understanding what can be a very confusing relational dynamic to be in. I look forward to reading more from you 🤗
~ Jenni Walford Gestalt/CBT Therapist.

“This is one of the best definitions of narcissism that I have read and as a therapist, I have read a great deal. I know you have helped so many people with your willingness and courage to share your journey and continue to provide many people with the results of your research. You have made the journey for me feel possible. Thank you.
~ Catherine Whitledge - Therapist

“I imagine it will be of help to many. Very well written and informative - on behalf of those who it will help - thank you very much for sharing this.”
~ Jonathan Townend, RMN Mental Health

Covert Narcissist or Covert Narcissist Victim

You Be the Judge


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  • 11 ways to discern the truth, eliminating the nebulous “he said, she said” approach that serves no one

  • How to recognize the narcissist’s “tell” – a developmental skill that they do not have & cannot fake

  • Clear insight into why it’s so easy to fall hook, line, and sinker for outright lies and how to be sure this doesn’t happen to you

  • An approach to immediately assess quality of evidence – accessing the truth while saving you time

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